Stupid Comics

The tanks they had in Tiananmen Square ain't got nothing on this! This Silver Age comic book ad for an "authentic" replica of the General Sherman was promoted as being big enough for two kids, or at least a trio of smaller ones. Being over 6 ft. long, this would set your average comic nerd back about $4.95 in 1950's currency for what you could have just put together yourself out of your family's empty boxes in the attic. Cardboard replaced the standard military grade metals fitted with miniature slingshot missiles, a reflective periscope, and a large toilet paper roll for the cannon. The real mobile tank was mobile in the same way someone walking is considered mobile. You could get the same effect by just walking around with a wearing a thick sweater with a thermos taped to your chest. No idea if the 10-day free trial from Smith And Smith Import Co. was even valid for a refund. It featured none of the extra features like a 2-way radio or an intercom system, so the...

You know about the Silver Age Black Panther, but the Golden Age incarnation has been criminally underlooked aside from the fact that he had one printed adventure. Showing up in Stars & Stripes #3, the caucasian Black Panther was another masked man in an absurd outfit whose real identity is secret even from the narrator and only having his expert fighting skills to boast any superhero status. The story involves Professor Taft getting kidnapped for his petrification formula by the ugly spy Argo, minion to agent Erick Rogats who is of course evil by 1940's standards since he works for a foreign country. Fortunately for the pinheaded professor, Black Panther already knew he was going to be captured by a deformed villain as he catches a ride on Argo's car hood all the way to Rogat's hideout. The fearless feline pounces on the sneaky snoops as Rogat is chased into an easily available whirlpool, to which BP states is a better fate for a lousy foreigner than being behind bars. ...

Even though superhero doctors like Fate or Strange have little trouble finding cases for their sorcery, a non-super powered one going by Doctor Vampire only dealt with mere mortal threats. Standing around for one appearance in Chesler's Skyrocket Comics, Dr. John Rogers gives up his medical career to become the caped Doctor Vampire specializing in murder cases. Dr. V has no given connection to the hinted bloodsucker monsters, instead he used his knowhow as a physician and his personal brand of justice to do his Sherlock schtick. Vampire is buds with the city coroner who calls him when a dead woman is wheeled in with toothmarks on her neck. The victim attended a stage performance in a barn of all places, meaning the local theater was probably booked for another Rocky Horror screening. Vampire already has an established street cred in this story as Gorich, the show's producer, immediately recognizes him when he gets a dagger thrown at him. The killer turns out to be the orchestra...