Stupid Comics

Do you want to get World War 3 with ants? Because this is how you get it! Youthful Magazines' Captain Science had a few stand-alone sci-fi tales during its 7-issue run, one of which is more of an alien invasion than an actual world war. Starting out in 1952, an explosion in Earth's atmosphere has ants raining down onto the planet who all grew to giant size after eating. Soon the entire globe is infested with colossal creepy crawlers, and entomologist Prof. Tom Leigh realizes the imminent danger, so he gathers a co-ed group of scientists to seal themselves in a university lab and try to find a solution to the ant-mageddon. The his/hers crew realize they don't have enough supplies to last before they can find a resolution to the big bugs, so one of them creates a plastic formula that embalms anyone into suspended animation, so they spend the next several decades sealed away with only two scientists at a time working on the ultimate ant eliminator. Cut ahead to 2052 and Tom is...

Joe Weider was a bodybuilder from Canada who started the International Federation Of Body Builders with his brother Ben, and founded the Mr. Universe contest, not to mention he got hitched to Betty Brosmer who was a pinup girl with the nearly impossible proportions of 38-18-36. He also published several magazines like Flex, Shape, and Men's Fitness, although his major claim to fame was his infamous comic book ads that ran all the way from the Golden Age up into modern times. One of the latter ads got Weider into trouble because he roped a young Arnold Schwarzenegger into being the poster boy for his faulty Weider Formula supplements which didn't produce the results it boasted about. Another ad has a scrawny boy asking his muscular friend Rocky about how to attract bikini girls on the beach simply by getting the Weider training booklet. However, one of the most offensive ones boasted that anyone who followed his flag would turn into a raging psychopath wanting to pick fights wit...

George Brenner created some loser superheroes like 711, Destiny, and Just'n'Right, not to mention the laughable villain Brick Bat, but he did make the original super mecha Bozo The Robot, plus the very first comic book costumed superhero known as The Clock, so you have to take the bad with the good. One such bad character was shafted into The Clock's adventures was the boyish Little Orphan Annie wannabe, Butch. The Clock himself was Brian O'Brien, your average rich socialite who fought crime in his secret identity which is just a fine gentlemen's outfit with a black mask draped over his face. This might sound like dozens of other superheroes like Batman, but The Clock was the original character to use this motif in comics, bridging the gap between pulp fiction and comic book heroes. The Clock did have a partner nicknamed Pug who oddly enough looked similar to O'Brien, which would've been helpful if The Clock ever needed a stand-in to publicly pose as his civ...

For anyone who thought superheroes wore only flamboyant costumes that showed off way more skin than they should have, then they would have used Captain Truth as their poster child. Coming out in 1945, Cambridge House Publishers did about three one-shot mixed bag anthologies, one of which was Gold Medal Comics debuting the exuberant musketeer wannabe in his own single story. Ken Elliot is a teenage orphan who instead of becoming a millionaire's youthful ward lives in poverty, but at sometime in his life he gained the powers of flight, bullet immunity, and super senses, although how he got these extraordinary talents is a big mystery as there was no enchanted ring or magical lightning involved. Ken dawns an outfit with a cavalier hat complete with a feather, plus matching red trunks, boots, and gloves that fully exposes his chest and legs, while getting a little more comfort from a canary yellow cape. In his only ever tale calling himself Captain Truth, the boisterous boy hero flies ...

Aside from Charles Atlas, another bodybuilder persona that had a series of comic book advertisements was Mike Marvel. Now, whether or not Mike was related to any of the 8.5 Captain Marvels is up in the air, but he managed to have ever-changing ads in comics from the 1950s-70s. Mike was selling his book on what was only specialized stretches for just 10 minutes every day using his patented Dynaflex method. He claims that you can do this no weights at all or even any exercise, although stretching is itself a form of exercise. His book on isometrics says that when you're finished his course you could rip whole phone books apart, which doesn't do much good nowadays, plus the book largely exaggerates some of the superhuman feats you can accomplish simply by Mike's stretching techniques. The comic ad has details and testimonials that are shrunk down so small to the point you need a microscope to actually read it, but it makes a point to show that you can gets these life-changing ...

Comic books have been a source for promoting everything from politicians, sports, shoes, groceries, cooking, metals, and various other subjects, but during the 50s, the Helme Tobacco Company tried to coax kids into enjoying their glorious snuff products. Snuff-Man was the title given to this 16-page advertisement printed by cartoonist Vic Herman's studio, and it was also the nickname given to snuff salesman George who begins a long conversation with two boys, one of which is Leroy, the younger brother of a George's date Junie was picking up at home. Leroy asks why his sister calles him Snuff-Man as if he was a D-List superhero in a bad parody magazine, so George waxes on about the story of snuff and how it was practically the backbone of human civilization all thanks to Columbus' little boat trip. A ton of laughs are to be had into this revisionist history of snuff, including how weed has medicinal value, how the crown heads of Europe were able to make objective decisions a...