Stupid Comics

For anyone who thought superheroes wore only flamboyant costumes that showed off way more skin than they should have, then they would have used Captain Truth as their poster child. Coming out in 1945, Cambridge House Publishers did about three one-shot mixed bag anthologies, one of which was Gold Medal Comics debuting the exuberant musketeer wannabe in his own single story. Ken Elliot is a teenage orphan who instead of becoming a millionaire's youthful ward lives in poverty, but at sometime in his life he gained the powers of flight, bullet immunity, and super senses, although how he got these extraordinary talents is a big mystery as there was no enchanted ring or magical lightning involved. Ken dawns an outfit with a cavalier hat complete with a feather, plus matching red trunks, boots, and gloves that fully exposes his chest and legs, while getting a little more comfort from a canary yellow cape. In his only ever tale calling himself Captain Truth, the boisterous boy hero flies ...

Aside from Charles Atlas, another bodybuilder persona that had a series of comic book advertisements was Mike Marvel. Now, whether or not Mike was related to any of the 8.5 Captain Marvels is up in the air, but he managed to have ever-changing ads in comics from the 1950s-70s. Mike was selling his book on what was only specialized stretches for just 10 minutes every day using his patented Dynaflex method. He claims that you can do this no weights at all or even any exercise, although stretching is itself a form of exercise. His book on isometrics says that when you're finished his course you could rip whole phone books apart, which doesn't do much good nowadays, plus the book largely exaggerates some of the superhuman feats you can accomplish simply by Mike's stretching techniques. The comic ad has details and testimonials that are shrunk down so small to the point you need a microscope to actually read it, but it makes a point to show that you can gets these life-changing ...

Comic books have been a source for promoting everything from politicians, sports, shoes, groceries, cooking, metals, and various other subjects, but during the 50s, the Helme Tobacco Company tried to coax kids into enjoying their glorious snuff products. Snuff-Man was the title given to this 16-page advertisement printed by cartoonist Vic Herman's studio, and it was also the nickname given to snuff salesman George who begins a long conversation with two boys, one of which is Leroy, the younger brother of a George's date Junie was picking up at home. Leroy asks why his sister calles him Snuff-Man as if he was a D-List superhero in a bad parody magazine, so George waxes on about the story of snuff and how it was practically the backbone of human civilization all thanks to Columbus' little boat trip. A ton of laughs are to be had into this revisionist history of snuff, including how weed has medicinal value, how the crown heads of Europe were able to make objective decisions a...

Long before the champion of Grayskull got the power, there was another to hold the mantle of He-Man. With only a single appearance in the one-shot Tally-Ho by the Bailey Publishing Company, this He-Man was really just another of those lovable lumbering lunkheads like Joe Palooka, Lil' Abner, or Ozark Ike who have the strength of an ox and a heart of gold. Drawn by veteran comic artist Charles Voight, the story opens in Snood, North Dakota as Sampson Hercules Muckles is a sheepherder who is lifting up his entire house just to get a better view, and he gets a letter from the granny he never knew he had. Gran'maw Nuckles tells Sampson that he is part of a lineage of circus strong men and his uncle Herman (nicknamed: He-Man) set up He-Man Inc., a school of physical education which she wants him to take over. Sampson has a phobia of metal, so Gran'maw gives him a special talisman his grandpa had in WWII that's supposed to make him impervious to metal. It turns out the talism...

Anyone who went to school in the 70s-80s might be familiar with McGraw Hill Inc. with all the stock educational short films they churned out, but one of their other branches has been running ads in comics for decades. The National Radio Institute started out in 1914 and was in business for 88 years teaching spry youngsters how to be a radiotician which advertised their thriving business in comic books, especially from the 40s-60s with ever-changing pitches for each generation. The founder James Ernest Smith appeared in nearly every ad where he would either be commanding you to join their institute like Uncle Sam for the US Army, others were a little more subtle where he says that "I will train you at home," like he was literally going to show up at your front door and give you a private lesson then hang around to sign autographs. One of the earlier NRI ads which ran in pulp magazines had James claiming that working in radio is "almost romance", although how romantic...

There were quite a few female aviators during the Golden Age, but one of the few to actually have their own semi-secret identity was Black Venus. Captain Midnight artist Charles Tomsey was the original creator of the pretty pilot who went through many redesigns in her short stint from Aviation Press' Contact Comics which ran for the first nine issues. Starting off in Burma in WWII, USO hostess Mary Roche dances with the pilots, but when its closing time she goes to her secret hangar and changes clothes to be the leg bearing Black Venus who sets off in her fighter plane to take down the nearby Japanese forces. Mary didn't wear a mask or anything in her alter ego but put a hot lady in a tight or revealing outfit and your average onlooker seems to block out their secret identity. Her second adventure had an even skimpier outfit more resembling a leather bar leader as she took down the cross-dressing Agent X. In her third story, Black Venus moved to Australia and began wearing the ...