Stupid Comics

Great Comics Publications would regularly have small segments of non-fiction. Some might be a single-page history accounting, others would be a short biography of famous or infamous figures. There were shorts on folks like George Washington, Nathan Hale, Jean Lafitte, and William Tell. Another was labeled Great Manhunts about nasty criminals, although whether these cases existed is more of a mystery. One installment that was in each issue of Choice Comics was G-Men Vs. Crime which went over real case files of government agents pursuing crooks like the Fleagle Bros., Al Brady, as well as the unrelated Brady Gang. Another semi-redundant portion was World’s Greatest Spies going on about espionage from both sides of the tracks including Mata Hari, Frans von Papen, Heinrich Albert, and the heroic Louise de Bettignies. A separate bit titled Murder On The River was a tall tale of a young man named Danny Russell in New Orleans who gets out of a murder case thanks to the intervention of the gig...

American Merchandising Company had a litany of wacko products they made comic book ads for during the Golden Age. One of which was the handy office tool-turned kids' toy in the Simplex portable typewriter. However, there were other totally pointless commodities like the Juke Box Bank. Going for $1.98 back in the 40s, it would run for about $24.95 by today's market. The ad ran in comic books make it seem like this is the Holy Grail of novelty items, but the only thing it really does is light up its idiotic slogan, "It's Wise To Be Thrifty" whenever you deposit a coin in it. The bank comes with a battery and bulb to activate this little feature, but a replacement for each part probably wasn't that easy for the average kid back then whose entire life would be focused on this useless item. The way the ad makes this thing out to be, just because it lights up and gives you a single piece of advice whenever you stick in a nickel in it that everyone in the neighborhoo...

Worth Carnahan published a few anthology comics back in 1940, one of which was titled O.K. Comics, so you know they weren't overselling themselves when they flat out admitted to their own mediocrity. For their first issue, they premiered the strange lad designated "Little Giant". Professor Rednow tests a new serum developed to make people into physical giants on a young boy. The serum doesn't increase his size, but it does grant him give super-strength. Rednow also creates a special suit that allows the boy to leap tall buildings, as well as a special body paint called Impurvogen which makes anyone coated with it invulnerable. Whether this Impurvogen still works after the test subject takes a bath is uncertain, which makes you wonder whether or not if the poor dope is immune to soap as well, meaning he might be invulnerable but totally incapable of washing off any body odor. A few weeks later, Rednow and the unnamed boy go to New York so they can rendezvous with the P...

Lady Satan must have been a popular moniker throughout the Golden Age because several different ladies took up the mantle during a short period of comics history. We've already talked about the Bronze Age version, even though she was more of an anti-heroine as it was about someone struggling with possession. The original was created by Shazam artist George Tsuka in Dynamic Comics and Red Seal Comics by Harry Chesler's Dynamic Publishing. The woman of mystery kept her true identity secret and first started out as a spy for the Allied Forces as she helped free a portion of France from German invaders. Lady Satan could slip in and out of her alias while wearing a mask and a long red cloak, even though both guises were of a leggy brunette in mini skirt which you think would gain some attention from any horny agents. This masked maiden immediately shifted from being a Nazi smasher to a full-on sorceress who tracked down supernatural foes along with a magic ring that could release va...