The Slave Pits Of "That Place"

Stanley Morse, or Key Publishing, or Gillmor Magazines had a broad selection of titles in the Golden Age that ranged from action, military, romance, teen humor, and even talking animals, including a Peter Cottontail comic that has nothing to do with the song it was based on. One of the best of these was Weird Tales Of The Future which was largely sci-fi tales mixed with horror. Issue #3 of this anthology series featured an amazing cover by the legendary Basil Wolverton of a gigantic zombie rising from his grave to spook a sexy blonde who just stopped by the cemetery to grieve for a loved one. This same issue also has one of the most unintentionally hilarious titles for a story, The Slave Pits Of Uranus. Written by an unknown author and drawn by Bulletman artist Ed Smalle, this sprawling space saga was condensed to a mere six pages with a plot more rushed than the speed of light. Set in a time yet to come, the Solar System has been largely colonized by humans and patrolled by space marshals like Mike Banner. His female partner Ellen is on attacked on a standard run as a fleet of space pirates comes out of nowhere to collect slaves for their slave pits on the planet Uranus. Kazmar is a rubber stamp despot that settled on the dead planet named after the Greek god and used it as the headquarters for his scheme to mine the world's resource of lectium which is used for killer weapons. Kazmar demands the space marshals pay him tribute in his efforts to be "master of the universe", but Mike and Ellen say nuts to that and lead a raid against the Uranian forces. The assault has Kazmar crashing back on Uranus where his deformed former slaves break out of the mines and drag him down to the deepest pit to cannibalize the rotten bastard until there is nothing left but mutant poop. The villain receives a justified ending, but the conclusion was so quickly paced that the reader might suffer from motion sickness at how rapid the story moves. Listen, we've all snickered at the name of the 7th planet whenever we heard anyone say it in our elementary school days, even though the title of this story pounds the whole joke to a new sub-level of sexual depravity...not that there's anything wrong with that.